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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget during his peak popularity with Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to access the restrooms in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|