Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's prominent comedians devoted the airtime ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently launched visa program, called the "Trump card," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access arrangement for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Analysis

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical Christmas tune about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... spoils all he handles."

The focus was the controversial program which permits foreign individuals to purchase U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for 5 million. An official website promises processing "in record time."

"A brief message here to rich immigrants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring large payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings during financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.